“When we seek to discover the best in another, we somehow bring out the best in ourself.”

                                                                                                                                             -William Arthur Ward

Most couples face challenges in their relationships from time to time experiencing issues like: 

•   Everyday Stress
•   Ineffective and Unsatisfying Communication
•   Unresolved Issues from the Past 
•   Substance Abuse 
•   Sexual Dissatisfaction 
•   Betrayal 
•   Affairs
•   Difficult Feelings of Loneliness, Fear, Emptiness, and Pain
•   Questioning the Desire or Ability to Stay in the Relationship 

No matter how unsatisfying things have become or how unhappy or angry partners may be, there is a pathway to reconnection and understanding.

It’s important that you feel safe in coming together to work out your problems.The first step in helping you to create those feelings of safety with your partner is to help each of you recognize the negative cycle you may be stuck in when it comes to dealing with your problems. 

When couples come for counseling, most are stuck in some type of negative cycle. 

This cycle usually involves a variety of repetitive patterns which often include blaming, criticizing, defending, expressing contempt, distancing, and emotionally or physically withdrawing. This can be upsetting, stressful, confusing, lonely, painful, exhausting, and even devastating when you don’t feel the closeness or trust with your partner that you used to feel. You may even have begun to see each other as your enemy or as an obstacle to your well being when in fact, it is often the negative cycle you are both stuck in that is the real threat to your relationship.

Understanding each other’s emotions is the key to understanding each other. 

After we identify the negative cycle, the next step is to identify the unexpressed needs and fears that act to keep both of you in this cycle. 

When couples learn to recognize and express their underlying emotions and see how these emotions dictate their actions, they learn to empathize, trust, appreciate, and deeply understand the other.

The experience of your partner as someone you struggle against can change to an experience of reuniting with your best friend. No longer adversaries, you can become each others safe haven of support and most trusted ally. Click here to read more about my therapeutic orientation and approach or contact me for more information.

I see couples who are married, partnered, or dating. I welcome couples of any sexual orientation or marital status.

“When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless.”

                                          -Pema Chodron

 

Individual Online Therapy in California. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #80508 by the California State Board of Behavioral Sciences.